Overwhelmed…

There’s no good way to jump back into blogging, no good way to catch you up on the year (almost) that I missed, no good way to explain all the thoughts, emotions, and events that have occurred over the past year. So, I’ll just dive right into the here and now.

Today I feel overwhelmed.
Today I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water when it comes to Jake.
Today I wish that I could just be. That Jake could just be.

I wish that I could just sign him up for a swimming class, drop him off, and sit on the bleachers like all the other parents. Instead, I perched nervously at the edge of the pool, ready to spring into action to stop him from launching himself into the deep water out of the sheer excitement of being in the swimming pool. The instructor has assured me that there is an extra person on hand for his class, and she will help Jake and make sure he doesn’t drown, but still…

I wish that I could just drop him off for Sunday school, and pick him up when it’s over. Instead, I get paged out of the service because he had to leave the Large Group, as it was too new, overwhelming, and over-stimulating for him. I get to work with some pretty fantastic volunteers and leaders to come up with a solution and to make it a great experience for Jake, which is so great, but still…

I wish that I could just kiss him goodbye when the bell rings at school, and watch him line up with his class to march into the building. Instead, I need to drag him off the playground, march him right up to the front of his class, and hand him off to the teacher, who takes his hand and leads him inside, for fear that otherwise he will run away. Jake’s teacher is amazing and after six days of school I already know that we are incredibly blessed to have her, but still…

Today I feel overwhelmed.
And what breaks my heart even more is thinking of how overwhelmed he must feel. Everything in his tiny life is new in the past week. New school, new teacher, new aide, new classroom, new routine, new speech therapist, new swimming instructor, new, new, new. Transition is hard for anyone, but when it takes that much longer to get used to routines, I can understand why he falls into bed at night from sheer exhaustion, barely getting out his little prayer before he passes out.

Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day:)