There’s no good way to jump back into blogging, no good way to catch you up on the year (almost) that I missed, no good way to explain all the thoughts, emotions, and events that have occurred over the past year. So, I’ll just dive right into the here and now.

Today I feel overwhelmed.
Today I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water when it comes to Jake.
Today I wish that I could just be. That Jake could just be.

I wish that I could just sign him up for a swimming class, drop him off, and sit on the bleachers like all the other parents. Instead, I perched nervously at the edge of the pool, ready to spring into action to stop him from launching himself into the deep water out of the sheer excitement of being in the swimming pool. The instructor has assured me that there is an extra person on hand for his class, and she will help Jake and make sure he doesn’t drown, but still…

I wish that I could just drop him off for Sunday school, and pick him up when it’s over. Instead, I get paged out of the service because he had to leave the Large Group, as it was too new, overwhelming, and over-stimulating for him. I get to work with some pretty fantastic volunteers and leaders to come up with a solution and to make it a great experience for Jake, which is so great, but still…

I wish that I could just kiss him goodbye when the bell rings at school, and watch him line up with his class to march into the building. Instead, I need to drag him off the playground, march him right up to the front of his class, and hand him off to the teacher, who takes his hand and leads him inside, for fear that otherwise he will run away. Jake’s teacher is amazing and after six days of school I already know that we are incredibly blessed to have her, but still…

Today I feel overwhelmed.
And what breaks my heart even more is thinking of how overwhelmed he must feel. Everything in his tiny life is new in the past week. New school, new teacher, new aide, new classroom, new routine, new speech therapist, new swimming instructor, new, new, new. Transition is hard for anyone, but when it takes that much longer to get used to routines, I can understand why he falls into bed at night from sheer exhaustion, barely getting out his little prayer before he passes out.

Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day:)


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Posted by on September 13, 2016 in Uncategorized


We Are On Vacation…But Not The Kind You’re Expecting!

Tuesday mornings in my world are initiated with a whirlwind rush of activity, noise, and stress as I round up three munchkins who all have minds of their own and do not like to do things on a schedule, and try and get them out the door and into the car in time to make it to preschool. I often feel harried, haggard, and can feel my frustration levels rising as I am trying to wrangle all the kids into coats, shoes, hats, car seats, you name it.

With coffee in hand, however, the day slowly improves, my heart rate drops back down to the normal range, and my stress meter normalizes again as children are hugged and kissed goodbye, and the morning becomes a time I have come to cherish with just Noah to keep me company.

This morning Noah and I were taking a jaunt around Costco. We were lazily meandering through the aisles, looking at all the toys, perusing the book selection, and chatting away to each other, when the phone rang.

I looked down to see who it was, and it was the number that always comes up when someone calls from the Alberta Children’s Hospital. I answered the phone, and was greeted by someone from Sleep Services, calling to follow up regarding Jake’s last sleep study (which was at the end of September).

{SIDE NOTE: At the last appointment I had with the Sleep Clinic, they warned me that Jake’s carbon dioxide levels had been elevated for the past couple of sleep studies, and that they were going to use the study in September to decide whether or not they should switch him from a CPAP to a BiPAP. Basically a CPAP is one continuous pressure, where a biPAP is a mixture of two pressures, essentially doing the work of breathing in and out, and therefore helping to eliminate more of the carbon dioxide that needs to be eliminated while sleeping.}

It was this context that was forefront in my mind when I answered the phone.

Imagine my utter shock and surprise, then, when I was greeted with a very different conversation.

“Jake is going on vacation”, she told me. “He’s going on a CPAP vacation”!

She then went on to explain that Jake’s last sleep study had been normal! Not “normal for kiddos with Down syndrome”, not “normal for Jake but still severe for the general population”, just simply normal!

His AHI (number of times he stops breathing in one hour) was 1.2. A typical AHI is approximately 1.5!! (and just as a measure of how incredibly amazing 1.2 is, remember that the first sleep study he ever had done his AHI was 94!!)

His oxygen levels were good. His carbon dioxide levels were good. His AHI was actually higher (1.8) for the part of the night when he was wearing the CPAP machine then for the part of the night when he was just sleeping normally!!

So, Jake gets to go on a vacation from the CPAP machine for 6 whole months!!!

They are going to do a repeat study in 6 months, to follow up. They said that sometimes CPAP therapy actually helps bring down inflammation in the airways, and so they don’t know what will happen in these next 6 months. Perhaps without the use of the CPAP machine, his airways will become re-inflamed and he’ll have to start back on the CPAP again. Or perhaps he has grown to the point where he won’t need it for the foreseeable future. What lies ahead is uncertain, but one thing is certain for now…

We are on vacation baby!!

Seriously the best news I’ve heard in a long time:)
This is us, celebrating with ice cream after preschool!







Posted by on November 3, 2015 in Uncategorized


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[31 for 21] ~ A Lot Can Happen In a Year…

A lot can happen in a year.


Just one of the unforgettable kiddos I had the pleasure of meeting in Guatemala.

Last year in October I wrote a two-part post series.

The first post (which was titled “Begging For Dignity”) was about a school for children with disabilities, located in Guatemala. In this post, I talked about how I have visited this school, how I have wept at the plight of those with disabilities in Guatemala, and how I left a piece of my heart with the students and teachers there when I visited 2 1/2 years ago (Just as an update, I had the opportunity to go back there this past March and spend a week working in the school, and once again, it was inspiring, heartbreaking, passion-renewing, and life-changing).


One of the first two items I ever sold in my store, “321 Joy”!

The second post (which was titled “Here’s Me, Leaping!!”) was about what I hoped to contribute to this school. In this post, I explained that I had started an Etsy store, and at the time of the post, I had 2 items for sale in my store! They were “321” shirts, in honor of Down syndrome awareness (3 copies of the 21st chromosome), and I was planning on donating a portion of the proceeds from the shirts to the school in rural Guatemala.

I remember distinctly writing this phrase in that post:

“This could flop. I am well aware of it. I mean, I think the shirts are adorbs, but come on, I made them for heaven’s sake, so I am a wee bit biased! Regardless of the outcome, however, I really felt as though this was something I needed to do, to step out of my comfort zone and take a leap of faith. So, here’s me, leaping!!”

A year later, I am so pleased to let you all know that it has not been a flop!


In fact, my Etsy store, which I have named “321 Joy” (click HERE for the link to the store or HERE for a link to 321 Joy’s Facebook page) has been a great success (at least in my books!)
I have sold close to 150 items. I have had 73 different items go through my shop, and currently have 49 items for sale. I am getting the chance to use some of my creative abilities, and am really enjoying the outlet (and the change of pace from changing diapers and cleaning up messes all day!). And most importantly, I am donating 10% of every order I get right back into the school in Guatemala. Some days it doesn’t feel like much of a contribution, but I am doing what I can with what I have been given, and I know that for the kiddos in the school who are on the receiving end, even a little bit is better than nothing.

So here’s my shameless plug…I am sorry for it, but kind of not at the same time:)

Buy my stuff!
Support this school in Guatemala, and these precious kiddos, who so desperately need more than they will ever be afforded the opportunity to have, solely because of the system they happened to be born into.
Get your friends on board.
Support not only this school for kiddos with disabilities, but also raise awareness of Down syndrome with the “321” shirts.
“Like” my Facebook page (“321 Joy”) for more updates, new listings, and better communication!

*These are just a few pics of some items I am selling right now*

IMG_2944 IMG_3001 IMG_4046 IMG_7357IMG_3856 IMG_3970 IMG_6592

It sure is true that a lot can happen in a year:)

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Posted by on October 27, 2015 in Uncategorized


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[31 for 21] ~ The Parentals…

[31 for 21] ~ The Parentals…

In keeping with the theme of Fridays, I am so excited this morning to have another guest blogger who is willing to share her heart with you, and present a different and fresh perspective!

Merissa and I have been friends for ages, truly too long to remember!! (dont you just love friends like that? The ones where you can remember the beginning of the friendship if you try really hard and count back dates, but really it just seems like they’ve always been a part of your life and that’s the way you like it!) Like my friend Julie from last week, Merissa has walked with me (and I with her) through many of the ups and downs of life. I am so blessed by her presence and influence in my life, and in my family’s life. Thank you Mer for agreeing to do this for me…you rock!!

The Parentals


We don’t get to pick our parents. When we come into this world, we come in completely vulnerable. We can’t feed ourselves. We can’t clean ourselves. And we certainly can’t do anything to ensure our own survival.
We enter the world bloody and screaming, healthy or unhealthy… and two human beings (or sometimes just one) are responsible for our entire wellbeing. We get no say in the matter.

But I truly believe that there is a God who does.

I remember getting the phone call from Karyn the evening after Jake was born. We had walked through 8 years of friendship at that point and as she had become one of my best friends (she still is!), I couldn’t wait to hear how her first labour went. I was so excited to hear her voice.

Her voice was quiet: “Merissa, Jake has Down syndrome”.

For the next while on the phone, we cried together. We were silent together.

A week or so later, the women in the Slaters’ life came together and held a beautiful baby shower for Jake. I watched as a couple dozen women spoke into Karyn’s life. The predominant message was this: God did not make a mistake in blessing this tiny little boy with Karyn and Curtis as his parents. They are a special couple, chosen by God to guard, protect, nurture and grow this beautiful little son of theirs.

I got to hold Jake for the first time 6 weeks after his birth, when he finally came home from the NICU. As I held that little guy in my arms – his little head no bigger than a small orange, and his little hand barely wrapped around my finger – I couldn’t help but weep.

I cried not because I was sad, but because I knew I was holding a promise in my arms. A promise from God that He had provided Jake with everything he needs in this world. I also felt so blessed to meet Jake.

Karyn and Curtis love their kids – not just the feeling, but in the way that they live. In the four years since, I have seen Karyn, a lover of justice, advocate on behalf of her son in his vulnerability. I have seen her grow greatly as a mother. She possesses a love that is fierce and encompassing. And it shows.

Karyn and Curtis have taught Jake how to communicate his feelings and needs. Curtis works extremely hard to provide for Jake and the rest of the Slater family. He is so loved and respected by his little boys. When I am at the Slater’s when Curtis comes home from work, every time – without fail – all three boys will run full-speed to hug their dad as he walks through the door, yelling “DADDY!” It brings a smile to my face every time.

Together Curtis and Karyn have also sought out resources for Jake’s growth and development that I never even knew existed! They have spent countless sleepless nights making sure Jake feels safe while he is in the hospital with breathing troubles, or at home when he is pulling off that uncomfortable c-pap mask (or eating it).

I can only thank God for how He has gifted Jake with Curtis and Karyn as parents. He has scored big-time!

And I have scored big-time too. God has given me the chance to be part of the journey with them.

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Posted by on October 23, 2015 in Uncategorized


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[31 for 21] ~ Today, I Wept…

I have always appreciated how where we live in Canada there are four distinct seasons.
About half the time, I am all on board for the changing of the seasons. Okay, let’s be honest here, I am fully committed when we are changing from Winter to Spring, and from Spring to Summer. The other half of the time however (obviously I am talking about from Summer to Fall, and even worse, Fall to Winter) I dread. I drag my heels, I complain, I pout that the warm weather is leaving and the advent of what seems like the eternal winter is upon us once more. Throughout the entire winter, I find that I constantly need to remind myself that it is just a season. That this too, shall pass.

This morning Jake and I were in his weekly Speech session at PREP, the preschool he attends twice a week for children with Down syndrome. We had just finished what I thought was a really fantastic speech session. He was engaged and involved during activities that are typically non-preferred for him, and he pushed through an activity that he was not interested in at all, and completed it. I was so proud of him and the progress that he is making with his new Speech Therapist.

We left her office, and were standing at the door to go downstairs to his preschool room. Before opening the door, however, I stopped to chat with a friend, who was there for a different class with her little guy. In the middle of my conversation with her, there was a commotion. I stopped talking and looked over, just in time to see Jake pushing another little one down to the ground, and standing over him pulling on his hair. I immediately stopped him, scolded him, and made him apologize to the poor little boy. Compliantly, he did apologize, I apologized profusely to the mother, and, full of shame and embarrassment, I quickly excused myself and took Jake down to school.

I came back upstairs after dropping him off, got into my car, and wept. I bawled like a baby for a good half an hour. Huge, heaving, ugly sobs of frustration and disappointment and embarrassment and inadequacy.

I wept because this was not an isolated incident. There was that time at the park last week, where he went up to a random kid and pushed him over for no reason. There was that time a few days ago that he bit his cousin on the cheek, completely unprovoked. There was that time today, after preschool, where his gymnastics instructor told me very gently, that he has developed a new behavior in the class of attempting to bite people who get in his way. There was that time yesterday at his typical preschool where his aide stopped him as he was reaching out to pinch a peer. And the list goes on…

I wept because I don’t understand. There have been no changes in our schedule or routine, there have been no major life transitions that have occurred lately, there has been nothing to suggest that he should be acting out in this way. I do not understand why the sudden change in my once easy-going child.

I wept because I want more for Jake. I want him to have friends, not drive his peers away with his erratic behavior. I want to be able to trust him around other kids. I want to continue to provide him with more opportunities for independence and growth, not feel as though I have to monitor his actions more closely. I want him to be a healthy, well-rounded child, capable of understanding and controlling his impulses.

I wept because I feel like a failure. Like I am somehow not providing him with the tools and resources he needs to be able to function in appropriate ways. Like I am failing Jake in the moments he needs me the most.

I don’t understand this new phase. I don’t know where it came from, why it exists, or how to navigate through it.
I know it is just a season. I know that this, too, shall pass.

But today, I wept.

Look at this cuteness! Why does it seem like this stage is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? One second, cute! The other second, pushing people over and biting. Grrr...

Look at this cuteness! Why does it seem like this stage is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? One second, cute! The other second, pushing people over and biting. Grrr…

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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Uncategorized


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[31 for 21] ~ Wordless Wednesday…


First day of swimming lessons for this guy:) Nervous but excited!






Me and the babe.

And this. Not wordless. Actually learning how to use words and read words! (a VERY SLOW work, despite the apparent success of the video…I just caught him on a good day!)

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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Uncategorized


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[31 for 21] ~ Making Waves…

Last week I wrote about how I was looking for a couple of organizations that could provide gymnastics classes and swimming lessons for Jake (click here to read that post if you missed it!). The footnote in the post was that we had decided to sign Jake up for an inclusive gymnastics environment. We chose not to do so for swimming, however.

I had just come to grips with the fact that Jake wasn’t going to be in swimming this fall (something I was actually really disappointed about, since I think he could possibly have a future in swimming in the Special Olympics, as I swear he is part fish!) when I heard about this relatively new program in Calgary called “Making Waves”.

The mandate of Making Waves is simple: they are a not-for-profit organization that provides low-cost 1:1 water safety and swimming instruction for children with disabilities. All of their teachers have experience in aquatics and with children with special needs. I signed Jake up on the spot (no, literally…registration opened at 10am on a Sunday morning, and I was on my iPhone registering him at 10:01!!) and got him in.

Let me just tell you something. Making Waves is FANTASTIC!!

Jake’s teacher’s name is Cassie.
Jake has had two classes with her so far. Just two.
The first class she basically held him, let him jump to her in the water, and got to know him a little bit.
The second class she tied a pool noodle around his waist, and let him go!! And he swam. He swam to her. He swam to the edge of the pool. He climbed out, waited for her signal, and jumped back in. And swam to her again. And again. And again.

It was incredible. I literally watched with tears in my eyes, as my baby boy, who is part fish, was given the opportunity to learn how to swim. Cassie is incredible. She watches the things he’s interested in, and then incorporates them into his lesson (like throwing an object into the water, and then jumping in and swimming to get it. Or like splashing just for fun, to blow off some steam). She laughs with him. She challenges him. And he notices how he treats her. He has only had two lessons, and her name is talked about on a regular basis in our house. Every time we mention swimming, Jake pipes up “assie, assie” (his word for Cassie!).

Check out Making Waves Calgary on facebook.
They are an amazing organization, and Jake has been so blessed (even two lessons in I can already tell!) to be a part of it! Thanks Cassie and the rest of the Making Waves team for making a difference for my guy.

**I am not allowed to take pics during his lessons, just for privacy reasons, so I don’t have any pictures of him in action (yet!), but here are a couple from the summer when we went to the waterslides in Salmon Arm on our camping trip.**

Cole and Jake were both so proud of themselves for being able to do the waterslides themselves:)

Cole and Jake were both so proud of themselves for being able to do the waterslides themselves:)


Just swimming! No fear whatsoever of the water:)

Just swimming! No fear whatsoever of the water:)

Noah wasn't loving the waterslides...he just zonked out in Daddy's arms!

Noah wasn’t loving the waterslides…he just zonked out in Daddy’s arms!

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Posted by on October 20, 2015 in Uncategorized


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