[31 for 21] ~ It Is Not Your Fault…

08 Oct


Today’s word is heartache.

Dear Karyn,

I am writing you to try and convince you of a truth that somewhere deep down in your heart-of-hearts you know to be true, but one that has gotten lost in the emotions that the events of this morning have stirred up in you. The truth is this:

It is Not. Your. Fault.

I know you, inside and out. I understand how desperately you want to be able to protect your children, to shelter them from the storms of life, to keep them safe and surrounded by the cocoon of your love and protection. I empathize with the emotions you feel when something happens to one of your kiddos. You feel like you’ve failed, like you’ve let down your kids. You are quick to lay blame on yourself; to bust out the “shouldda, wouldda, couldda’s”. But let me present a different perspective, a truthful perspective, a healthy perspective.

It is Not. Your. Fault.

You couldn’t have known that Jake would bite your precious baby Noah while you hopped in the shower. You shouldn’t have seen it coming; you had no precedent for that kind of behavior. There were no precipitating factors, there was nothing off in Jake’s attitude, nothing to suggest that he would use the moments of your absence from his sight to unknowingly inflict pain on his baby brother.

Don’t beat yourself up. Allow yourself to grieve for your baby boy. Allow yourself to learn from the experience, to be more aware for next time, to be on the alert and to look for situations which will allow you to mitigate further incidences from occurring.

But please know that you, like every other parent, are doing your absolute best. Know that accidents happen. Know that the guilt you feel is misplaced. Feel emotion, grieve, cry, hug tighter, and comfort. And take comfort in this…

It is Not. Your. Fault.






Posted by on October 8, 2014 in Uncategorized


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4 responses to “[31 for 21] ~ It Is Not Your Fault…

  1. Michelle Helferich

    October 8, 2014 at 7:39 pm

    Aww hugs to you! and it was most definitely not your fault! Thanks for participating in 31 for 21; your blog is highlighted on my FB page today:

    • karynslater

      October 9, 2014 at 9:17 am

      Thanks so much for the highlight Michelle:)
      Really enjoying October so far, and meeting some new peeps through blogs:)
      Have loved your blog since I first started reading it when Jake was born…love the perspective of someone a few years ahead in the journey!

  2. firebailey

    October 9, 2014 at 8:54 am

    This is beautiful. Every mom needs to read this. It is NOT your fault. You ARE allowed to grieve you are allowed to get ticked off and mad that this happened. But it is not your fault. Sending forgive yourself vibes your way.


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