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I am having a week…

20 Sep

Let me preface this post by reiterating that I LOVE my life!  I have a fantastic life, and have nothing to complain about.  My husband is my rock.  My kiddos are the joys of my life.  My family and friends are amazing.  When I look at the big picture, I am filled with optimism.  Despite all this, however…

…I am having a week.

You know, one of those weeks where you are just tired.  Tired of poop, and puke, and drool, and crying babies, and waking up three times a night.  Tired of feeling like I don’t have the answers.  Tired of feeling guilty that I am missing teachable moments or not doing enough for Jake.  Tired of the comparison game.

You know, one of those weeks where you just question everything.  Am I doing enough for my kids?  How can I be a better mother?  Why does my baby (Cole) seem to be constantly miserable?  What more do I need to be doing at home for Jake?  Am I leaving him alone too much?  (I know independent play is good, but am I giving him too much?)  Where is the balance between “teaching” my child through play, pushing him to produce results, and just relaxing and letting him be a 16-month old?  Am I to blame for Jake’s development (or lack thereof) because I haven’t been strict about him wearing his “ears” and “eyes” (hearing band and glasses)?

I know the saying “it takes a village to raise a child”.  Not only do I know this saying, but I also believe strongly in it.  My children NEED the input of family, friends, acquaintances, social interactions, experiences, etc… to grow them into the people they will become.  But some weeks, like this week, I feel the weight of my role as their mother.  I shoulder the burden for their healthy development.  I question my ability to be the primary caregiver they deserve.

I am having a week…

But…one look at these precious faces helps, even if only for a moment, to dispel all of this.  It returns the joy to my soul!

I’m sure next week will be better…:)

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1 Comment

Posted by on September 20, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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One response to “I am having a week…

  1. Tara Robertson (@tarasview)

    September 20, 2012 at 10:30 am

    oh hon, I SO know that feeling. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at Aiden and wondered if some aspect of his Autism could have been improved/ prevented/ fixed/ altered/ different if I had been a better/ more able/ more attentive/ more focused / more knowledgeable / more stable/ LESS TIRED mother. And I look at my younger son Owen who was just this summer diagnosed with anxiety issues and depression and that brings on a whole new level of parental guilt because WOW- if only I had paid more attention to him and not focused so much on his special needs older sibling than maybe he wouldn’t have issues now and if only I could DO MORE maybe he wouldn’t be suffering now. And then I look at my so-far neurotypical daughter Olivia who has just started the having the most fantastic meltdowns every day after school and I think to myself NO, not another one… this is proof… proof of my complete failure as a mother- proof that if I was A BETTER MOTHER my kids would have a better life.

    And then I read a post like yours and I cry and I remember that we all feel this way and no. We are all just doing the very best we can and sometimes having a kiddo with special needs is just plain hard and sometimes we are tired and there is only so much we can do and no matter how much we do? There will ALWAYS be more we could have done.

    Mommy guilt sucks.

    You are amazing. Your kids are beautiful.

    Next week will be better 🙂

     

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